Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close

     It’s amazing how one broken car can create so much traffic. The traffic jam can have people at a complete standstill. The interesting thing is that when we surround ourselves with people who aren’t going anywhere in life, they can have the same effect on us. If you’re not careful you’ll be stuck in life because of who you associate yourself with. Who we surround ourselves with and what we choose to give attention to is important to our well-being. Who we choose to associate ourselves with, and who we decide to be friends with can either bring us closer to our purpose or pull us further away. The worst thing you could do while trying to become whole is to continue to hang around people who don’t value you. It’s important to surround yourself with people who respect you and value your life. 

      Be careful when you set out to heal yourself, some people will be sent by the enemy only to distract you. You mustn’t rush the process of eliminating solitude while healing. People can affect our thoughts, and actions and jeopardize our dreams and goals. It is common to become like the people who we are around the most. Being at a standstill means that motion is absent; there is no progression. You are just stuck in life, stuck focusing on everyone else, and your life is passing you by. You are unable to reach your destination. Your destinations are your opportunities, your life purpose, and your impact. We have to be extremely aware of what grabs our attention. To grow you need to allow yourself to have space to process through your own life.

      To move forward in life, you must decide to only surround yourself with progressive people. Progressive people are always searching for success. They are searching for success in every aspect of their life, success in their careers, success in their relationships, success in their families, success in their goals, and success in their walk with God. People never want to be a part of the process, but they’ll want to be part of the outcome. The process is where you figure out who’s worth keeping in your life and who is worth being part of the outcome. To be progressive and focused, you will have to be disciplined. Your new drive, new focus, new hustle, and your new walk into your purpose will require a great level of discipline. God sometimes keeps us hidden to protect us. While we are hidden we can think for ourselves and process through our challenges, overcome obstacles and we can hear God’s voice. Changing your mindset requires focus and space. When your space is crowded with people, your life becomes crowded with people’s opinions, judgments, and influences. All of these factors can slow down and or end the process of changing completely. 

     Determining who to keep in your circle and who to remove is one of the most important but challenging things that we can do. Stay away from people who like to kick you when you're down but want to kick it with you when you're up. The first step is to think of all of the people in your life. You must evaluate everyone who you allow in your space. Strong people are never with a crowd because strong people know that there is absolutely nothing anyone else could do for them better than they can do it for themselves. Weak people are those who always feel the need to roll with a posse, they are not confident in themselves or their abilities. Evolving involves elimination. You must recognize if the friendship is worth saving or ending. Good friendships are vitally important to our lives and good friends provide support. It’s easy to be drawn to people who share similar common interests as you but do they share the same common values as you do?

Ask yourself:

1. Do they hold space for your feelings without judgment?

2. Can you trust this person?

3. Do they make you feel appreciated and loved?

4. Are they there when you need them?

5. Do you look forward to spending time with them and talking with them?

6. Are they loyal?

7. Has and can the friendship stood the test of time; through the good and bad moments of life?

8. Do they remind you of your worth?

   
   

9. Do they correct you with kindness?

If you are unable to answer the questions with absolute confidence, it’s time to evaluate whether or not your current friendships are worth keeping. Relationships and friendships are to enhance our lives. When you are moving forward in life and finding your purpose, you are going to have people who will fall by the wayside. There will also be new people who will latch onto you because they will see where you’re headed and they will only be along for the ride so that they can benefit from your new success. You don’t have a friend unless they’re willing to suffer with you. Friendships that only last when everything is going well are not friendships. A real friend would leave luxury to be by your side. You must allow God to subtract people who will distract you and bring you down and allow God to add people who will push you in the right direction. Everyone that was with you in life is not meant to walk the whole way with you, separation is key to grow. You will lose friends when you make a conscious decision to become a better version of yourself.

    Unfortunately, there will be friends who you love and who you want to remain friends with, but they will be unable to handle your journey towards greatness. God will start weeding out the weak on your behalf, you must allow it to happen and trust that God knows what’s best for you. Growth may be uncomfortable, but it’s better than staying stuck. Allow all negative relationships to end. So many people fail at things and miss out on opportunities not because they lack the skills and talent, but because they listen to the wrong people. Everyone in your life is not permanent, some people are only temporary. As Christians, we often feel obligated to keep friends in our lives. We misinterpret the commandment to love one another for keeping people in our lives longer than we should. Allowing people to stay connected to us despite how we are treated by them is a one-way ticket to an unhappy life. People affect us more than we think. We must show others how to treat us. Setting boundaries will prevent people from misusing us. We have to be ok with walking away from toxic relationships, friendships, and unhealthy situations. We should never feel obligated or guilty when we say no. Boundaries are a form of self-love. You can love a person but still accept the reality that they may not be the best for you. In life there’s a balance, there’s nothing wrong with spending time with others but you should never get to a point in life where you need people around you to make you feel happy, complete or valued.

"Walk with the wise and become wise. Associate with fools and get in trouble."

Proverbs 13:20

     When you’re not the same person you used to be, you have no business going where you used to go. The hardest walk is walking alone but it also makes you the strongest. You need to hang out with people who fit your future, not your history. Surround yourself with people who you can learn from, people who want more out of life, people who are stretching and yearning for a closer relationship with Christ. As you get closer to where God wants you to be, God will keep those Godly friendships intact and He will bring new people to you if needed. Both groups of friends; old and new will push you and encourage you! Make friends with people who force you to be great. True friendships require honesty, support, loyalty, trust, and love. You must look at the company you keep. In order to continue to walk in your purpose, you have to make sure that people who are in your circle can also help you fulfill your purpose. We all have different gifts and talents and your gift alone won’t cut it. Our ultimate purpose is to build up the kingdom of God and for that, we need a variety of gifts to get the job done. When God sends you a true friend, cherish them. 

      There’s always a reason for why individuals cross paths. Whether old or new you must believe that God will create a like-minded circle around you. God-friends are important to have because when you go through life you can expect high moments and low moments. Those moments when you feel like not giving it your all or quitting, they will be able to speak a word into your life. These individuals will be there to support you, encourage you and respect the call in your life. You will be covered by their prayers. You’re going to need people who will lift you without it feeling like a burden. When you are on a new path in life you are going to get hit with more temptations and new obstacles to test you and your God-friends will push you to keep going. Remember quality over quantity! Don’t get caught up in the number of friends that you have because the real truth is there will only be a few individuals who you will be able to call a friend. Look at Jesus, He had twelve disciples but only had an inner circle of three: Peter, James, and John. Whether your circle is no greater than a few individuals, consider yourself blessed to have real God-friends in your life! Push each other, pray for one another, encourage each other, and allow God to do amazing things throughout the circle.